Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Slice of Life Day 25- Searching for the Balance in Independence and Healing

I am participating in the Slice of Life 30 Day Writing Challenge.  Writing is reflective and a great way to discover more about your life.  To learn more about the challenge or read other Slice of Life posts visit Two Writing Teachers.

Little did I know the hard part was just beginning…

Thursday my husband was released from the hospital 3 days after having a five hour surgery on his back.  When the doctor asked "Are you ready to go home?"  My husband smiled for the first time in weeks. (He was very nervous about having the surgery and in a great deal of pain prior to the procedure).  I was excited to see him smiling and to be bringing him home, no more trips to the hospital, no more hospital food, no more tubes and no more insatiable beeping machines!

Home will be quiet, Tim will rest quietly and I will catch up on reading, writing and a few chores around the house. Tim and I can stay up late chatting and watching movies. This will be like mini "staycation."  Friends will come to visit and I will cook a few big meals that we can munch on thorough the week  and we will just sit back and rest, both of need to rest, this is going to be perfect.

Well, I wasn't entirely wrong…

 I am doing more writing, I am actually reading a fiction book for pleasure. (I am only on page 100 after 3 days… are you starting to see where this going?)  Tim is resting, and resting and resting.  He's too tired to even finish a 30 minute sitcom- so no movies.  We are having trouble getting the pain under control so I am setting an alarm for every 4 hours (yes, 24 hours a day) to make sure we keep his medication at the correct level to keep him comfortable.  So as you can imagine all these meds make late night conversations very one sided, I do get the best answers this way!

We do have friends and family dropping by to visit, bringing us food and keeping me balanced!  I am thankful for this because the homemade meatballs I planned to make Friday are just now (9PM Tuesday) simmering in the pot!  It seems just as I begin a task for the house or myself I need to be nurse. As I am working as a nurse I am not being an empathetic wife and as I work to be more of an empathetic wife I am acting like  I am his mom.  Where is the balance in making sure he is doing what he needs to heal and allowing him to have his independence and showing empathy?  I feel like the only approach I have is tough love.

I don't mean to be motherly or strict on him, it's just so difficult to see your anchor down when you both want him to be up on deck.  Maybe this isn't tough love or motherly maybe it's just necessary to bring him back to better than he was prior to surgery.

Working to find the balance~ taking each day slowly and lovingly.


  1. You said it just right, "taking each day slowly and lovingly." That's all you can do. I know you are doing a great job balancing everything, don't sell yourself short. He is able to concentrate his energy on healing because you are taking care of him and everything else. Hang in there, friend!

  2. Wow! Some kind of spring vacation! Hopefully Tim will heal quickly and be back on his feet in no time! Good luck!

  3. Keep trying your best to find that balance. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow as you are and do what is possible and best at that particular moment. He will come back better than before, just in good time. Lovingly is a good focus to have because I'm sure there are a few trying moments.

  4. That balance piece is hard, and quite demanding. When you become the caregiver, you really aren't the one in charge of how time is spent. Your job becomes more reactionary, dependent on his needs. Sure hope he's feeling better soon. As you know, my dad went to rehab after his very aggressive back surgery, and it took him at least 3 weeks to be at a place where he could manage things on his own. Sending encouraging thoughts your way!